Standing high on a ledge looking over

The dinner party went  very well. Except for the Great Dane, who  jammed his head under my chair and began his play-growl at my feet which made all the guests nervous. Then he  played his jumpy-jumpy game as he was removed from the kitchen and nearly knocked me over.  Not a proud moment for a dog owner.

I’m still sick and  feeling low. Minor stuff, sinusitis and  feverish fluey symptoms. Cancelled for a birthday supper tonight and I may cancel for a birthday brunch on Saturday. I’m taking spoonfuls of  local honey to  see if that lessens the hay fever  Listening to Miles Davis because jazz  makes me feel more ‘bluesy with a purpose’.

Reading Sven Birkerts on Sebald, the fired-up  intensity of discovering a writer who  reminds you what books are all about:

 

Books are so easily masked by familiarity, crowded into indistinctness by others of their kind, their original explosiveness gone latent, awaiting some circumstance in the life of the reader to make them actual, as the writing was for the writer. Books are singularities, trade routes for private intensities. We forget this. Reading itself falls to habit, the eye switching back and forth down pages, down the lengths of columns, just another thing we do, until one day a book comes along that has the force, or is such a fit to what we need, that it renews the act for us. How did we ever forget what happened that first time, whenever it was, with the eruption of another’s voice, that stark surprise breaching of time and distance, the sense we had of standing high on a ledge looking over?

We need more poems about work, the different kinds of work we do, the mundanity and  necessity and goodness of work. I’m thinking this today because I can’t do much work with a  clogged-up head. But I can read poet Susan Meyers on work and motherhood –

Mother, Washing Dishes
         She rarely made us do it—

we’d clear the table instead—so my sister and I teased
that some day we’d train our children right
and not end up like her, after every meal stuck
with red knuckles, a bleached rag to wipe and wring.
The one chore she spared us: gummy plates
in water greasy and swirling with sloughed peas,
globs of egg and gravy.
 
                                Or did she guard her place
at the window? Not wanting to give up the gloss
of the magnolia, the school traffic humming.
Sunset, finches at the feeder. First sightings
of the mail truck at the curb, just after noon,
delivering a note, a card, the least bit of news.

 

 

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7 comments to Standing high on a ledge looking over

  1. luluberoo says:

    That excerpt reminded me: in the library (I was only child who spent a lot of time in the library), at 12, coming across “From Russia With Love”. Thinking this was a book the librarian might take from me as inappropriate, then slipping into a private corner and leafing through it to find the sex scenes. I had never read anything like that, and felt I was doing something very forbidden. That whole summer was spent in the library hunched over anything written by Ian Flemming they had on the shelf. Thanks for the memory!

  2. Cricket says:

    If you’d like, I can send you some healing-light to help.

  3. Had to smile at the jumpy-jumpy. My two dogs are beautifully well-behaved 96% of the time. Of course the 4% is saved and stored as bundles of ignorant jumping and barking excitement whenever we have guests or when I am in the middle of an important phone call or when I just really really want them to be beautifully well-behaved for a few moments.

    I particularly love the quote on books. It always feels like the heavens have opened and I have been given the most sacred of offerings when I discover a new author or prose that inspires me and moves me to feel.

    I wish you health and a less-stuffy head. My gratitude as always for a beautiful post.

  4. oneinvisigal says:

    Work, the physicality of even doing laundry, gardening, kneading dough is so therapeutic. I am missing it now, missing even my plump and uncoodinated physical relationship to life, and cheating a little as I do loads of laundry. I relate so to both roles, the daughter, trying to avoid and shirk, the mother, enjoying the solitude and sensory richness of mundane chores, the view from the kitchen window. I have lived both of these selves.

    I hope you feel well soon Mary. The local honey is said to be very effective at innoculating one with local pollen. Just think how happy we will be when we feel physically well again. When I am well again, I swear I will walk like there’s no tomorrow, through heat, humidity, wind and rain and snow! I will never avoid physical exertion again!

    (Ha!)

  5. Whenever I have had a kitchen with a window above the sink, I have enjoyed washing dishes. There is something so basic, so primal, about it.

    I hope you feel better soon Mary.

  6. Allyson says:

    I also love washing dishes — very meditative. Hope you feel better today!

  7. Syd says:

    Dogs can be themselves and don’t have to behave, especially when we are at their mercy. I love them for their love and their fun loving personalities.
    Hope that you feel better soon. I have been draggy too.

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