Wrote fiction in a giddy burst, inspiration flying from my fingers onto the keyboard. Found that my novella has uncovered a story within the story and that new story is threatening to take over the main plot. So much fiction writing is a tussle between deliberate intent and the Unconscious erupting into the text. Now I must go back to the drawing board, on this rainy sweet morning with dogs curled at my feet and a steaming china pot of English breakfast tea on my desk.
Took a break from work and read something that shocked me so much I can’t speak. Tears in my eyes and a feeling that this should be better known, something needs to be done, we have to rally and bring about change right away. My hands clenched tight on the mug of tea, my breath catching in my chest. What this says about war, inhumanity, PTSD and human vulnerability.
HERE’S a window into a tragedy within the American military: For every soldier killed on the battlefield this year, about 25 veterans are dying by their own hands.
An American soldier dies every day and a half, on average, in Iraq or Afghanistan. Veterans kill themselves at a rate of one every 80 minutes. More than 6,500 veteran suicides are logged every year — more than the total number of soldiers killed in Afghanistan and Iraq combined since those wars began.
Heartbreaking, Some days I feel the world breaks us open just for greater sorrow and despair. But in the garden there are Cape canaries like tiny yellow clowns capering on wet grass and tree frogs, bright viridian green and black, clinging to tree branches.Renewal, beauty, the ongoing vitality deep down in everything.
Had a phone conversation with an AA newcomer preoccupied with the WHY of alcoholism rather than the HOW of sobriety. Why did I get drunk on that day, at that time and ruin that precious occasion? Why did I break my promise and do what made no sense? What was driving me, what was the reason, why could I not stop, just walk away, put the glass down, leave things as they were? Questions that are beside the point. The past is another country, it is today that makes the difference, the opportunity to stay sober for 24 hours and begin to live differently.
And writing is so much about asking questions (sometimes wrongheaded or unanswerable questions) and not having answers, leaving the questions there on the page, finding new questions and occasionally some resolution. Like Chaucer, in medieval England, letting his character cry out ‘What is this world? What asketh men to have?’ and finding no easy answer. His pilgrims riding in horseback through green woods and rolling hills as they travel to the shrine of St Thomas a Becket in Canterbury, telling one another stories as they ride along and aware the destination may not matter as much as the storytelling on horseback, the travelling together in spring sunshine. It is always all about the journey and those who accompany us.
Being in the medical field, I’m aware of the reputation of VA hospitals. Our local VA facility is known as the place where incompetents go to work. The benefits are top notch, with little accountability. I don’t know if this reputation is deserved, I’ve never been there. It probably has more to do with government oversight (or lack of) than employee’s working habits.
Oddly, “civilian” hospitals must meet many government mandated benchmarks, but the VA hospitals do not. None of our specualtion or outrage will bring back that man’s life.
Your last thought sums it up: the world has turned upside down.
Lou, I don’t know about conditions over there but I feel so much more needs to be done at every level to help young men and women who go into war situations. We have trauma centres for PTSD, but it is not enough.
Oh my goodness. I worked for over 17 years in a “government hospital,” and I can tell you we worked our asses off, and there were some incredible staff there – who were basically working there for the love of it since there was no money in it. AND we had plenty of oversight.
1% of the american population has borne the burden of two wars lasting over 10 years. One percent. They have endured multiple deployments and debilitating injuries. And when they come home they cannot find work. They almost HAVE to stay in an insular community of like minded souls because the rest of the world is too different from them. I worry every day about my son, his wife, and his friends.
That alienation and disorientation of returning soldiers is something I have witnessed at first hand, Mary Christine. I hope your son gets support and can work through what he has had to live with.
Great post about writing! And what a horrifying article on veterans and suicide. I passed it along to a coworker of mine who is a veteran and whose partner works in administration at a VA hospital.
Thanks for this, G — I was shocked to read it.
So sad that the price of war continues long past the battles. Is it worth it?
That would be my question too, Syd.
David Lynch, with several other less famous personalities has been advocating for US veterans and seeing that those who want to learn Transcendental Meditation are taught the technique. There are several videos on youtube that those who have had the experience do testify to this being a life renewing event.
There is still hope Dear One.
Thanks so much for this Andrew — I am going to check out the videos and Google David Lynch on his work here.
Mary, can I pin your posts to my Pinterest boards occasionally? It will link back to your blog. In particular I want to pin the one you wrote about confinement. You still remain anonymous.
No problem at all, Lou. I should find out about Pinterest but I couldn’t keep up with Twitter and do only minimal Facebook –