Mid-week already. The fencing contractor has vanished again, leaving ugly cheap-looking aluminium palings piled up in the drive, which is now unusable. I have left an urgent message on his voice mail, but have to face the fact that he may not re-appear before Christmas.
Acceptance is not acquiescence, I learned in my first year sober. It doesn’t mean I must resign myself to accepting something I do not think is right. It doesn’t mean just giving up, or not using one’s powers of discrimination. It means accepting the truth of what is, as it is, right now. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can.
I might pay him a visit at 6am and suggest he finishes the job if he wants me to not wake him up by ringing his doorbell at 6am each morning for the rest of his life. But if he has gone fishing and is sitting somewhere in the mountains next to a trout stream with his cell phone switched off and a happy-go-lucky smile on his face, I will just have to get those palings moved and postpone my harassment tactics until he gets back.
Tonight is the birthday supper with the housemate’s [racist, homophobic] family. Her brother has a new Lexus and a sticker on the back window that reads ‘Greed is Good’. He means it.
Things I won’t talk about then: the notorious Protection of State Information Bill, also known as the Secrecy Bill, was passed through parliament yesterday while hundreds of black-clad activists protested outside. The implications for press freedom are of great concern and many see this as the beginning of State dictatorship.
The murder of lesbian women. Across South Africa, and internationally, gender activists are outraged at the postponement of sentencing of four men found guilty in 2006 of murdering a Khayelitsha woman, 19-year-old Zoliswa Nkonyana, accused of being a lesbian. The case has been postponed 40 times over a five-year period.
What I will talk about: The goodness of the food. The goodness of the housemate. The contrariness of the weather. Human rights. [I'm joking.] The food . The magnificence of the Great Dane puppy. [They don't like animals.] The weather. The food.
There may be space for more sincere connecting, finding out how people really are. I need to stay open to that possibility. And keep my mouth shut when the bigoty rants begin.
Some of you might have noticed that I have revised and extended my blog roll links beyond recovery blogs, so that anyone who likes to follow random blogs one click at a time to the restaurant at the end of the universe can spend hours doing so. There are some fascinating and brave blogs out there. I don’t necessarily agree with the views or beliefs of some bloggers, but I like reading what they have to say. In January I will have to delete the recovery blogs no longer active, always a sad business because I am never sure if those bloggers just gave up on blogging or on the dream of getting sober.
Now I must go out and plant out my new basil seedlings and hope some survive. This has been a bad summer for growing basil. And then I must sit and revise the latest chapter of my novella, which seems to be shrinking into a short story. So be it.