Four years of gratitude

The day I got sober I did not know it was St Patrick’s Day. And I was not feeling grateful. that day I was frightened and angry and  certifiably insane. In all probability, I was in withdrawal and didn’t know that either. Not a particularly  severe withdrawal, I hadn’t drunk that much, but  my memory of recent weeks was blurry and  confused, filled with shouting matches, sleeplessness and constant efforts to get drunk and stay drunk, longing to die. I was suicidal, desperate, and at the end of my long love affair with alcohol.

That I was able to stay sober and begin finding my way out of the labyrinth is because of many other factors, some of which I probably don’t understand as yet. I do know I owe a great deal to other sober alcoholics in AA who helped and encouraged and befriended me in that first bewildering year of freedom, those who responded to me online and helped me do online service from a remote corner of the world, all of you who take the time to read this blog and comment.

There is no freedom that means more to me today than the freedom from the urge to drink myself senseless. All other freedoms and responsibilities in my life stem from that freedom, the freedom of  choosing not to drink one day at a time.

And I could not have done that without your support. Thank you very much for helping me get here.

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