Well. that was a surprise.
I had a short break from work and took the quiz to find out my word for the year and this is what came up.
I think of myself as a cowardy custard if the truth be told. I’ve run away from the consequences of my actions so often. I’ve lied to avoid embarrassment and said nothing when I should have spoken up. I’ve fibbed to save face. I have resorted to what I used to call ‘spontaneous inventions’ to impress others. I used to put smart little lies on my CV to entice would-be employers and was never caught out. I ran away and hid when a friend was dying and made excuses. I was not brave enough to tell a friend that her drinking would kill her. I stayed silent when the class dunce was mocked at school.
I have been afraid of the truth all my life. The truth pierces right through all the shabby fictions of who I pretend to be.
And I can’t even blame all the cowardice and lying on alcoholism because it was part of my life when young and it still went on even after I sobered up. Telling the unvarnished truth takes more courage than I am capable of.
The best I can do is to tell one small sober truth each day and make an inward note of all the exaggerations and little white lies and various dishonesties.
I’m not fearless and I wish I were.