Snow falling on the mountains all around and the firewood bought is green and wet. I think with envy of the heated houses overseas. Hot water bottles and blankets.
Just taking my time on a very slow computer, waiting for the booting to work. I knew I was coming back to financial struggle and it will take time for me to get on my feet again. But the relief of not feeling under obligation to anyone is worth the struggle. I realised last night listening to reproachful friends that I am a very poor judge of character, my own and others. I take things at face value and trust in foolhardy ways. But I am learning.
The comments and emails are a great comfort and thanks to those of you who have reached out to me during this time. The Internet is not really a ‘virtual’ community at all — we are flesh and blood, real men and women sitting at desks in city apartments and country kitchens, reaching out across the world to help keep one another warm.
And the blessing of sobriety is that we are able to suffer and feel that suffering without the inflammatory hysterics and maudlin outbursts, the paranoia and wild accusations that arise inevitably with drinking. Sobriety lets us feel something more than self-pity and resentment. Gratitude is there like a steady bedrock each day on waking and a benison on falling asleep.