Very slowly I feel I am emerging.
Able to pay attention without being sucked into a vortex of self and cravings.
The mermaids singing each to each are singing to me. There’s the courage to embrace a wilderness without fear or taint or chaos. Little by little, going gently.
My Higher Power is beyond my wildest dreams. Dreams open up like fairytales and love letters. My relationships as a lesbian woman, friend, sister, lover, are richer and deeper and more far-seeing than ever before.
There is the knife-edge of vulnerability. I flounder in the shallows at times. Not sure how to prioritize work. Success seems harder than failure. The old knack of avoidance comes too easily.
But the fear has gone. I am not driven but dread and running on empty any longer. When my homegroup members in the rooms read the promises, I hear Her voice. Calling each of us into new life and a boldness, a celebration of the unknown, of risk taking and elmental loving. Letting go.
This is the week that one of my favourite writers and activists, Grace Paley died. Here’s something she said in an interview a few years ago:
But if your health is good, and you have a habit of looking at each day as a whole day–unless you drop dead at noon or something–then every day you live something interesting. It’s interesting because you either meet a new tree or if you’re in the city, you meet a new person. Or something happens. The sun shifts on the mountain — very beautiful things happen